It’s Not a Diet, But Rather a Lifestyle Change

I had made my mind up in November of 2010 that I wanted to have bariatric surgery. But before I follow through with a commitment like that, I wanted to make sure I was in the right frame of mind on many levels. I had started to lose some weight in December, where I actually did lose 7 lbs., which was over the holiday. For me, that is a defeat in itself! I mean, not only was I dealing with the holidays, but a ton of birthdays too including Jake and me. Somehow, I did manage to lose 7 lbs which the surgeon was impressed with. Heck, I was impressed! Well, that all went out the window within a few weeks. I don’t know why, but I noticed that I was eating more, especially at night. I quickly started putting those 7 lbs. back on. I was so excited about my decision to have the surgery that I had all my pre-op done within 1 month of my decision. If I were allowed, I would have had the surgery the day I made my decision. But something held me back. I knew I was not ready for this surgery, mostly because I was not mentally prepared. If I can’t follow a food plan now, why would it be any different when I have the surgery?

Most of you are aware of my brother, Paul’s condition. He is morbidly obese due to his addiction to food. He is 28 years old and currently weighs over 800 lbs. I am scared to death for him. His weight will not let him live another 28 years if something isn’t done soon. My brother is a great guy and has a lot going for him. I think seeing his condition has given me that much more motivation to lose weight. How can I lecture him about his weight when I am obese myself? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical of me? I realize that I’m not nearly has heavy as him, but I’m still overweight and considered morbidly obese as well. If I don’t do something about my weight now and get my eating under control, I could potentially struggle with the same health risks that are plaguing my brother. Simple things that we take for granted, like going to the bathroom, is a chore for my brother. He needs assistance in cleaning himself. This saddens me deeply. I just wish I knew how to help him.

I realize that before I can even consider the surgery further, I need to get to the root of why I eat. I mean, who doesn’t love to eat, right? But I do know that I tend to eat more when my emotions are out of control. I know that January and February were not great months for me, which was due in part, to a medication I was taking to help me feel more awake during the day. But regardless, I know my eating habits tend to depend on how my emotions are going. I don’t know what happened three weeks ago, but it finally hit me that I need to get control of my life again. I need to get control of my eating habits. I was starting to feel the weight in my knees, which hurt when I would go up and down steps. I also figured it could have a lot to do with why I’m constantly tired and why my fibromyalgia is flaring up. I am going to be 40 years old this year (I know, that’s crazy, right?!) and losing weight is going to be much harder if I don’t start now.

I am currently seeking mental health on a weekly basis. I still can’t tell you why I overeat or why I use food to comfort my emotions, but just talking to someone about life has helped me tremendously. I have started Weight Watchers about 3 weeks ago, and so far, from my heaviest weight, I am down 16.6 lbs. I love the new program with fruits and vegetables being zero points. But just like anything, you can’t over eat fruits and veggies either! Now, I know this kind of weight loss will be slowing down, because it’s not healthy to keep losing 3-5 lbs a week, but it feels great to have a great start! I started exercising 2x a week including weights, but plan to get to at least 3 times a week! This is huge for me! I don’t like to exercise…I really don’t. I wish I could love it. Maybe I will grow to love it, but I hate it right now. I would love to find an activity that I love which would give me the exercise I need. I’m searching. I thought I might like tennis, but I can’t afford lessons. Does anyone know how to play and would be willing to teach me? I’m a quicker learner!

What I need from you, my family, friends, acquaintances, I need prayer and support. I need words of encouragement and cheers when I lose. I need people to call and ask to me exercise with them or even just go for a walk. I need you to pray for my brother that he will have the strength and courage to change his life. I want him to rely on God and relinquish his addiction. I want God to use me to help him. I don’t know how right now other than to be an example, but if there is something else, I hope God will open the door and walk me through. I love my brother and I want him to be around for a long time!

As for the surgery, I have not made a firm decision yet. Maybe I can continue to do this journey without the help of surgery. My friends, who I love dearly, are rooting for me and are encouraging me to do it on my own without the surgery. I’m praying that God will continue to give me the strength to keep moving forward and that He will help me think twice before putting anything into my mouth.

Thank you for the support and encouragement I have been receiving, which is invaluable to me. Talking about my weight and weaknesses is no easy task!