Is it really 2013?!

Really not sure where this year went!  I mean, really?  We are already at the middle of April!  I really have been MIA in blogging updates, but most of you know how crazy life is and how busy ones family can be. 

So much has happened this year and I can’t believe that I haven’t even blogged about it.  Two big ones are that my baby boy started 9^th grade at the high school and my baby girl started kindergarten last fall.  As I write this, I can’t believe school is almost over already and Jake will be in 10^th and Rachel in 1^st grade this coming fall.  Where does the time go?  I know life isn’t fair, but it’s not fair that my babies are growing up so fast.  I enjoy the milestones they hit, but it’s bittersweet because before I know it, they are off to college... uh, already choking up thinking about it!  This is reality and I need to enjoy each and every milestone as they come, including the good and bad!

It definitely has been a transitional year for the kids.  Jake is learning that he needs to put the extra work into his studies and that teachers aren’t going to follow-up like they did in middle school.  He’s learning this the hard way unfortunately, but he’s getting his act together.  I miss the straight A’s he use to get, but with three weighted honors courses, I’m proud of him even when he’s earning those C’s and B’s.  He has to work hard for them.  I sometimes think he can work harder, but as a parent, you can push them so far but they have to fly on their own.  I know he can do it and he will because I have faith in him.  I will continue to encourage and push him a little big, because isn’t that what parents do?  I’m incredibly proud of the young man he’s turning into. 

Oh my Rachel!  What a year it’s been for her!  She is not enjoying the amount of academic time that there is now compared to pre-school.  She misses her nap times and longer play times like she had in preschool.  But we are truly blessed with her wonderful kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Albright.  As the year has progressed, we have seen such growth in her maturity.  With a late August birthday, she is one of the youngest in the class and although academically she can handle it, sometimes emotionally she lags behind a little bit.  She is incredibly well liked, but she is extremely sensitive and wears her heart on her sleeve…hmmm, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!  Rachel is quite the negotiator too…she loves to try and help change the teachers mind; especially if it’s something she does or doesn’t want to do.  She has trouble remembering who the authority figure is and gets herself into trouble with her sassiness and her feisty self.  She is funny though!  You never know what’s going to come out of her mouth next.  When do they learn to filter before they speak? 

Jake made the freshman basketball team for his high school as a starter.  He was averaging about 12-15 points per game with over a dozen rebounds.  Three quarters of the way through the season, he injured his knee.  Initially, the orthopedic surgeon was sure that it was damage to his ACL, but after an MRI we were thankful to learn that it was only a meniscus tear.  Jake still needed surgery but his recovery time went from 9 months to only about 9 weeks!  We were so thankful for that but unfortunately; he was done for the season at school.  He was disappointed as well as us.  We really enjoy watching him play and the progress he’s made over the last year is stellar.  He recently was cleared to start playing ball again and he’s being a little gun-shy which is to be expected.  He’ll get his game back, I have no doubt! 

Can you believe Dave and I are about to celebrate 19 years of marriage on April 30^th?  I’m struggling to comprehend that.  I know we’ve been together a very long time…28 years this coming August, actually…but it truly doesn’t feel like we’ve been married that long?  And my wonderful husband is about to celebrate his 46 birthday on Sunday, April 14^th!  It’s crazy when I think that we’ve been together since he was 18 years old…more than half his life now and 28 years of my life!  Seriously, I couldn’t imagine a more wonderful husband and father for our children.  I thank God every single day for him! 

We had a little health scare earlier this year when Dave saw a dermatologist for two spots on his forehead.  I’m so glad I was proactive and made him an appointment to have them looked at because they were cancerous and needed to be removed.  We are thankful that once they were cut out, he didn’t need any further treatment.  He will need to be monitored regularly since he is now prone to this type of skin cancer.  What a scary time for all of us!  He was such a trooper with the procedures to have the cancer removed.  And I must say, incision areas healed very nicely too.  Thank God no further treatment is necessary! 

I know in my last post, I mentioned that I started a new lifestyle journey where I’m working with a personal trainer and exercising 5 to 6 days a week.  I know; crazy, right?  I’ve never exercised consistently let alone 5 to 6 days a week.  And the kicker, 4 out of those 6 days, I’m up at 4:30 AM to be at the gym by 5:15 for my workouts!  I’m down 44 lbs as of last week!  Woot woot!  I’m not perfect and I’m still going through a “process” to make the necessary changes.  I like food, I really do.  Who doesn’t, right?  I have made some drastic changes, but each day is a battle and I realized that I can’t rely on myself only, but rather I need to pray daily and rely on those who are sharing this journey with me.  I am so grateful to the friends I’ve met along this journey.  I’ve been sharing my progress too and the support I get is incredibly encouraging.  I’ve been told that I’m an inspiration by so many.  I would never in a million years think that I could actually inspire someone to get healthy.  Me, inspire something to get healthy?  The girl is has been overweight since she was 13 years old?!  I am getting stronger each week and my body is molding into something that is so foreign to me.  I love it and I will always need to continue to pray to stay on this trend. 

My trainer has shared with me that we all hit “bumps in the road” on our journeys.  Well, I hit mine recently, because last Monday I had to have knee surgery to repair a meniscus tear.  Yup, exactly the same thing Jake had to have done two months ago!  I asked the surgeon if he has a “two for one deal!”   I am 4 days post-op and I have less pain now than I did before the surgery, so I’m praising God for that!  I started PT this week and the therapist was impressed with my progress and how strong I am.  So, being in shape is so worthwhile for when you hit those “bumps in the road” that require surgery.  The therapist even commented on the “rocks” that I have for thighs!  LOL.  I had to laugh at that!  Felt really good for someone to say that out loud to me, which validates the hard work I’m doing.  Tee hee! 

We have a new addition to our family since I last blogged.  My sister Sandy, and her husband, Marion, in North Carolina, are in the process of adopting another little one.  Quincy joined their family about a year and half ago now through fostering and they are now working with a lawyer to finalize his adoption.  I’m so excited for them!  Our family is growing by leaps and bounds!  My niece, Mary Anna, is also pregnant and is due in September.  It’s been a long time since we had a tiny baby in the family.  Please keep her in prayer!  She is a single mom and has lots of changes heading her way. 

I’m not going to promise to update my blog more regularly, but I will do my very best to not wait a whole year to do it! 

Here are some updated pictures!  I know, look how much my kiddos are growing?

 

 

Rachel's First Day of Kindergarten!  Look - she has on her own locker!!!

 

 

Jake's first day of high school!!!  Not sure where the time has gone!

 

Yep, sums it up in this picture.  Sweet and Sassy as they come.

This is the young man, Tristen, who Rachel is very fond of this year.  He is pretty cute!

Love my girl!

Believe it or not, a few minutes later, she totally fell backwards all the way down!  Scary moment! 

Mommom and her two grandbabies!

 Rare family picture. 

 





Jake is worse than his sister in getting a nice smile out of him!  Geesh!

 

 

 Our Christmas tree. 

Jake and Rachel putting the star on the tree.

Rachel and her dance friends!

NEVER FORGOTTEN

Kenneth Paul O’Neal

“Pauly”

July 13, 1982 to September 10, 2011

Most know why I’ve been MIA for the last year or so. I’ve avoided posting on my blog because I didn’t want to face reality or share my feelings about the loss of my baby brother who died last September. Over a year now, still so fresh, just typing these words I’m getting choked up thinking about him and missing him terribly. He was my baby brother…the youngest out of five children. I know in my heart he is exactly where he wants to be, up in heaven with our heavenly Father, but it doesn’t make it any easier on us down here waiting until we meet again. And I do know that I will see him again! In the meantime, I’m missing him and replaying his laugh in my head and praying to God that I don’t ever forget the sound of that laugh.

Paul battled one of the most difficult addictions to overcome…food. We need food to survive, it’s readily available everywhere you go and the junk food is cheaper than eating healthy. I’m learning this first-hand these days! Our entire family is obese or was obese. Two members of my immediate family resorted to gastric bypass and so far, have done a great job in keeping the weight off. Paul was actually too heavy to have the procedure done, which I think added to his depression which caused him to eat even more.

Paul got so desperate for help that he submitted a video to a television network for a show called, “Heavy” which followed the journey of individuals who were morbidly obese and then learned to change their lives by following a healthy lifestyle. We were so excited when he was chosen for the next season and Paul was excited to start a new season of his life. He was getting the opportunity he needed that would allow him to not only learn how to eat and exercise, but that would have also helped him to identify what was causing the manifestation of this addiction. Several months later, Paul learned that the show canceled the upcoming season. This news crushed Paul and his health deteriorated from that point forward.

After we were in North Carolina visiting to celebrate the adoption of my sister and brother in-law’s little girl, my brother fell ill and ended up in the hospital. We learned that he had a urinary tract infection that went septic and caused his organs to shut down including his kidneys. Because of his weight, the medical staff was limited in the treatment they can give my brother. When the nurse explained to my brother that they would need to ventilate him and that when most people are ventilated, they don’t usually come out of it, my brother responded “bring it on, I’m ready to go home.” I believe that my brother was gone from that moment after being ventilated, but he was kept alive by that machine for three weeks. Each day the prognosis was not looking good and every now and then, we even had a little glimmer of hope from the doctors and nurses when his oxygen level would increase. Finally, after the third week of Paul living like this, the doctor said that the longer a person is on this machine, the chances of him recovering is even slimmer. We made our way back down to North Carolina where we all gathered around him for when the doctor removed the ventilator.

It wasn’t very long after he was removed from the machine that my brother was slipping away from us. I will never forget that day. I remember lying across his torso and begging God to give him back to us and willing my brother to fight harder to stay with us. I knew in my heart that is not what Paul wanted. He was tired of fighting his addiction and his body was physically tired from supporting the weight he has carried around almost his whole life. Paul wanted peace from the demons he was fighting every day. There are no words to convey the emotions of grief that settled over all of us as we said good-bye to my brother. I remember looking at my parents at one point and wondering, how do parents survive the loss of a child?

A year and two months later, it’s easier, but I still miss him and I still hear his laughter. I still see the smile that lit up his entire face. I remember him as a baby where the sisters fought because we didn’t want to lay with him until he fell asleep because we knew we’d fall asleep too and that impeded on our social life! I remember singing songs to help get him to sleep and most of the ones I remembered were Christmas songs which I sang to him year round! I remember bathing him in the kitchen sink and thinking, this kid is getting way too big to be bathing in the kitchen sink. I remember the fat rosy cheeks that glowed even brighter when they were chapped in the winter time. I remember giving Paul a lecture when he called me to complain about his fiancé and how her cleaning skills weren’t up to his standards. I remember sharing my weight loss journey’s with him in hopes to help encourage him to lose weight. I remember instant messaging him on Facebook and him sharing his hopes and fears with me, but I continued to encourage him nonetheless. I remember the excitement in his voice when he called to tell me that he was selected to be on the show “Heavy” and how this show was going to save him from himself. I remember how I wasn’t always so nice to him because I was frustrated at the bad choices he made and being scared for him over the consequences he might have to face. I remember viewing the video he made for the show “Heavy” on Facebook and how proud I was of him that he was so brave to do such a personal thing by putting himself out there like that for the whole world to see…including the good and bad. I remember the wonderful things that people said to encourage him and I remember the horrible things people said to put him down and derail him and I wanted to hurt those people! I remember how I helped raise Paul and was like a mother to him. I remember how Dave and I used to take him places with us and he would constantly ask “where are we going?” We would respond with “we are going crazy!” Paul used to think that “going crazy” was an actual place! I remember Paul finally starting some online college courses and how proud he was when he got an “A” on his first assignment and every assignment after that. I remember Paul was worse than a girl when it came to gossiping and not keeping secrets. I remember celebrating Paul’s 18th birthday at Pizza Hut in North Carolina, his place of employment at the time, and how special his friends made him feel. I remember those awful suspenders my dad used to make him wear even as a teenager! I remember Paul moving in with Sandy and Sandy having to play tough love with him to help him lose weight. I remember visiting North Carolina and we went dancing one night and the ladies were hanging all over my brother on the dance floor and I was thinking “man, my brother is a ladies man!” I remember the huge heart that my brother had and how he wanted to help anyone who was in need, even when those people took advantage of his heart. I remember that he loved each one of us siblings with all his heart even when we weren’t the nicest.

I pray that none of my memories about my brother, good and bad, leave my heart or mind. I want to remember everything about Paul and how much he meant to me even though I didn’t always share that with him. I wish I did tell him more often how much I cared for him and how much I loved him.

Paul, I still think of you and I miss you terribly. I know you are up in heaven loving your life with our heavenly father and no longer suffer from the demons you fought here on earth. I hope you knew that I loved you so very much and wish I could have helped you more to overcome the battle you fought every day. I guess if I couldn’t help myself to lose weight, I wasn’t going to help you lose weight. But, I want you to know that you are my light that helps me get up each morning at 4:30 AM to head to the gym. I hope you know that when I’m walking or working out with my personal trainer, I’m thinking of you smiling down on me because I know you would not want me to suffer the way you did on this earth.

I love you Paul, always and forever. You are truly missed but will NEVER be forgotten! Rest in peace baby brother and I look forward to seeing you one day after my life is over here on earth. And please ask God to help continue to give me the will, patience, strength, motivation and encouragement to help me in my weight-loss journey. You know we can’t do it without Him. In the meantime, the rest of your siblings have formed a stronger bond and we will keep your memory alive….always. Because of you, Paul, we’ve gained additional “family” by reconnecting with Valerie, Rachel and Bobbie-Jo. There are some parts that aren’t perfect, but I believe God led you to help bring us together again as we are meant to be “family” and God wants us to be connected always, so for that, I am also grateful to you. I love you Pauly!

Sniff Sniff...

 

Jake and Rachel...as cute as ever.  Getting a picture of the two of them is rare these days. 

  

Rachel is such a fish in the water.  She absolutely loves swimming.

  

Funny to see Jake without a shirt.  He usually swims with a shirt.

  

Jake taking two foul shots!

  

Rachel's second time at the beach which was almost three years later!  She had a blast.

   

Jake, Rachel and Sherry at the beach.

  

Love this!

  

Jake and Julianna Bell

  

Rachel and Elizabeth Bell

  

This is what a little girl looks like when she colors her hand with a blue marker!  This girl is something else!

  

Jake had all his hair cut off!  4+ years of long hair.  It's growing on me.

  

Still handsome.

  

Sandy and my niece, Isis.

  

Isis, Jake & Rachel - Easter 2011

  

Rachel at the Great Wolf Lodge.  We had a blast!!!!

  

Marion, Sandy & Jake.  My sister looks fabulous after losing 100+ lbs.

  

Seriously, ain't she cute!  I can just eat her up!

  

Isn't this funny?  Rachel pushing Jake on the baby swing.  LOL.

  

Mommy & Rachel. 

  

We saw the Fresh Beat Band at Sesame Place in May, 2011.  Rachel's favorite band on Nick Jr.

  

Rachel with Ms. Kelly from LeRoux.  She was so proud of her trophy!

  

Another rare photo of Dave and me. 

  

So proud to show us her moves.

  

Rachel and one of her best friends, EJ.

   

Rachel loves our "new" piano.  I think we will have our own entertainment for years to come!

 
Jake finished 7th grade in June and Rachel finished her first full year of preschool! I can’t believe how fast these years go! I mean, it just seems like yesterday that Jake was starting Kindergarten and at the same time, it seems like just yesterday that we brought Rachel home from China. Why does life have to feel like it’s going at warp speed? Jake only has one more year of middle school and the same year he starts high school, Rachel will be entering Kindergarten! I’m not sure my heart can handle two huge milestones all at once. Why is it so hard on parents to see their kids grow up? I know we are selfish, as mother’s, to want our kids to stay young so that we can have them with us at all times and shelter and protect them from this big wide world we live in. I want to protect them from anything negative that could possibly harm them. I know going into our big world is the only way they will learn and grow as a person, but it scares me to death! I guess all we can do is teach them to trust God and teach them right from wrong.

7th grade was a major transitional year for Jake. He was an “A” student all the way through the first marking period of school, but things started changing halfway through the year. Jake received his first “C” this year after the 2nd marking period and then he got two “C’s” after the third marking period. In between the 2nd and 3rd marking period, we scheduled a conference with his teachers. We wanted to make sure we weren’t missing something, like whether or not he was struggling with something in school. On the positive side, Jake is very well liked by his teachers and by his peers. He’s a leader and apparently a very good friend. All his teachers said that “he is very respectful, a clown at times, but for the most part, he’s genuinely a good kid who is well liked by everyone. Your son is an “A” student who gets “B’s” and “C’s.” He’s perfectly capable, but he lacks motivation.” So, we had to have a talk with him, although he would probably say we “lectured” him. It took him another full marking period to realize that we meant business and his final report card, he showed a major improvement in all his classes and he didn’t received any “C’s” in his core subjects. He did get a “C” in Art, which really is still unacceptable, but his consequence wouldn’t be quite so harsh since we did see that he worked harder and he pulled up his core grades. He hasn’t had his cell phone in over three months! He is dying for it, but because he did get a “C” in Art and not because of his artistic ability, but because he was late handing in three assignments, he had to wait another month to get his phone back. We compromised, because he wasn’t supposed to get any “C’s”, but I do want to reward him for improving all his grades in his core subjects. I hope he learned a lot from this year. Unfortunately, as he moves onto each grade, school gets harder. He won’t get by, by doing just the bare minimum. He has to put effort into his work and he has to study! This is all new for him and I think he learned the hard way this year! Nonetheless, we are blessed because he is a great kid and the fact that he did pull his grades up, we know he is perfectly capable. He’s smart, talented, funny and just an all-around great kid. We truly feel blessed to be his parents. We hope he has a great start to 8th grade in September and that he will remember from the touch lesson I hope he learned in 7th grade.

Jake is participating in a “Counselor in Training (CIT)” program at the YMCA. He had to go through an application process as well as an official interview. He did that over spring break and he ended up being chosen for the program. This is a great opportunity for him for the future and at the end of the five weeks, he will be CPR and First Aid certified. Hopefully in the end, this program will help him next year for finding a paying job as a counselor for some camp program. I am very excited for him and hope he ends up enjoying himself. Jake will also be very busy with basketball this summer, because he is playing on way too many teams. I guess it’s a good thing he enjoys the game! Actually, basketball is his favorite sport and the only way to continue learning and growing in the sport is to play play play! So, he is definitely playing this summer…on three basketball teams. We already see a huge improvement in his skills. Hopefully he will do an overnight camp or two. He did one last summer and he absolutely loved it. I’m hoping he enjoys it as much this summer.

Our baby girl is growing up too! Can you believe we just celebrated 3 years as a “Forever Family” of four on May 19th?! Seriously, time really does fly by. Rachel truly enjoyed her preschool this past year. Her teacher, Miss Kuntz, was absolutely fantastic. Miss Kuntz has been with PCA for over 30+ years teaching three year olds. It truly blows my mind the patience, love and grace she shows our children. Her love for God is shared each day with our kids too. Rachel has grown so much in her first year with PCA and I’m looking forward to her continuing this summer for their camp program. She is learning her numbers, letters, colors and more songs than I can count! She has made so many friends and I know she will miss them over the summer. Hopefully we can schedule some play dates!

Rachel is showing a true interest in music. We all know that she is quite a little performer, but she loves getting on the piano that was given to us by a coworker of mine. She happened to be performing one day and she had us in stitches with her passion and comfort with herself. If I didn’t know she was three, you would think this girl was performing for years! She has repeatedly asked to learn how to play the piano and she also wants to learn how to play the violin. We are totally going to look into some sort of lessons for her. I think we may have to wait to another year or so for piano lessons as she is too young, but apparently there is a method that is used in teaching young children how to play the violin. I am really curious to see where her enthusiasm and willingness to learn takes her. I think we might be seeing Rachel on stage someday! I know that we truly enjoy the entertainment that we have been blessed with.

We are preparing for another celebration in our family that is truly exciting. Our family is growing by leaps and bounds. I know that I have shared earlier that my sister, Sandy, and her husband, Marion, have been fostering a child and have been for almost a year now. Well, we are hoping to receive wonderful news this week that the adoption process will be finalized! Isis will “officially” become part of our family. I mean, she has been a part of our family from day one, but the “official stamp” will mean that she will be forever ours legally! Sandy and Marion are wonderful parents and it’s exciting to see them grow as a couple and now as parents. We will be making our way down south next month to celebrate with them over their growing family and it will be the first time in a long that my older sister, Debbie, and her family will be going along. We plan to have a great “Adoption Celebration” with Sandy, Marion and Isis and then we will be on the next journey where they will work on bringing home another child. God is so good and I can’t believe how He has worked in our lives in growing our family and that He has led my family and each of my sister’s families down the road of adoption. We have been truly blessed with our children, both biologically and through adoption. We were blessed with the best of both worlds and I will be eternally grateful to Him.

We found out some wonderful news recently. I’ve heard people say how God has quite the sense of humor and recently our friends have learned that first hand! My friend, Tina, and her husband have decided that they were done having children. There boys are now 8 and 9 and they are in a very comfortable place with their life and things are easier to do now. Tina was on birth control to prevent pregnancy, but since turning 40 in March, her doctor felt that it was no longer safe for her to be on the pill. They decided that her husband would have surgery to prevent future pregnancies. Five days prior to his surgery, Tina learned that she was pregnant! YEP!!!! God decided that they weren’t done having children! To top it all off, the baby will be due in February…they will celebrate all three of their children’s birthday within 30 days! They didn’t see the humor in any of this, but now that the “cat is out of the bag” they are truly excited about their impending addition. I am so excited to share in this journey with Tina and Pete. When we became friends, Peter and Zachary were probably 2 and 3 years old at the time. It will be fun to see Tina pregnant and watching her family grow to a family of 5! This couldn’t happen to a more deserving couple. Tina and Pete are great parents and the fact that they see this “oops” as a blessing shows that they are ready to embrace what God has in store for them. Congratulations my friends! You will do amazing and you are truly blessed to have the love and support of your family and friends. I love you all! See, I said that my family was growing and that includes my “extended” family as well! There is nothing like have a baby in the family even when it’s a complete “surprise.”

I was sad to learn that another close friend of mine, Diane, has breast cancer. I met Diane about 18 years ago when I responded to her ad that she placed in the newspaper for a babysitter. Diane and her kids became a part of my family from the moment I met them. I have watched Ali and Nick grow up, from starting kindergarten to graduating high school. Again, it’s crazy to think how time flies! Anyway, Diane called me about a month ago after she learned her diagnosis. Actually, as I’m typing this, she is in surgery having a “lumpectomy” as well as a “partial hysterectomy.” When Diane shared her news, I would have never guessed that she was sharing bad news with me. Her positive attitude and great strength just truly amazes me and it will serve her well while she goes through her year of treatment of radiation and chemotherapy. She has an amazing outlook and she has amazing confidence in her medical team. If anyone can beat this disease, it’s Diane! She is an incredibly strong woman. This disease truly scares me to death and I pray that I’m never faced with it. But having Diane in my life and seeing her positive attitude and outlook, she gives me the strength I need to get through each day. Please pray for my friend and ask God to heal her and to continue to give her all that she needs to get through this phase of her life. I thanked Him for her as my friend and I thanked Him for giving her the strength that she does have, because her strength WILL help her win this battle!

Our family had a little scare back in June with Jake. While participating in “Career Day” at school, which is where professionals go to school and share their profession with the students, a cardiac nurse picked up an irregular pulse while performing pulse checks with a “pulse ox” machine on each of the students. Since Jake was the nurse’s help during class, he was the last student to be checked. The machine picked up his pulse being extremely high. As a precaution, they recommended that we take Jake to the doctor to make sure his heart was okay. Long story short, after an echo cardiogram, EKG, blood work, wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours, he was declared healthy! Praise God! The explanation given, since Jake is athletic, these machines tend to give false readings. Because Jake is athletic, his heart rate beats slower than a normal heart rate and these machines tend to pick up a double pulse from within his body. Also because of his athleticism, his heart will appear larger due to the large muscle around his heart. It’s all good and I’m so glad that it was nothing! Getting that phone call from the nurse was frightening and all I kept thinking was how blessed we are that they caught it! You constantly hear stories of athletes who drop dead on basketball courts because of heart conditions that they were not aware of until it’s too late. Enlarged hearts do run in my family, so I was thrilled that his heart is large because he’s athletic and not because of genetics. I can’t imagine him learning that he couldn’t play basketball or worse yet; he has a serious heart condition. I am thankful he is here, healthy and hopefully here for a long long long time! My kids are my world and I can’t imagine anything being wrong with them.

The next month is full of fun stuff happening which I’m looking forward to since our July has been kind of quiet except for work and camp. We will be celebrating Rachel’s 4th birthday this month too and believe me, we get a countdown each day! Rachel is so excited that she will be having a birthday soon and she let’s everyone know that she encounters. We are heading down south to visit family and in the first weekend, we are headed to Waymart, PA to attend Living Hope’s 13th Family reunion. I’m so excited and can’t wait! I will try to do my best to update more frequently, but I know we all know how crazy life can get. I do love sharing our family memories and hopefully one day my children will appreciate this blog.

2-Week Hiatus

I'm disappointed in myself, or I should say that I was disappointed in myself.  I've learned that I have this "all or nothing" kind of thinking and this kind of thinking just doesn't work with a weight loss journey.  I don't think of the 6 weeks where I did really well and lost 22 lbs, but rather I focus on the last two weeks where I let my food program go and I just didn't care what I was putting into my mouth.  I focus on the negative instead of the positive and this thinking is what has sabotaged me in the past!  I can sit here and write about all the excuses as to why I went off program because of my family visiting for the Easter holiday and that being backed up with my monthly friend.  I beat myself up over my pitfalls and I'm so hard on myself for "falling off the wagon."  This is the negative thinking that gets my in trouble.  I realize that I need to learn that life happens, hiatus's happen and it's just a matter of picking yourself up and starting a new day making the right choices.  I did that for myself yesterday.  I recommitted myself and I promised that I wouldn't put another piece of chocolate or candy in my mouth and you know what, I did it!  I really did it!  Last night after dinner I really wanted something else to eat.  I was craving that chocolate that was sitting on top of my refrigerator from Easter, but I didn't cave.  I didn't continue the 2 week hiatus that I took from my food program, but rather picked myself up and made better choices.  Today is day two and that is all I can do is to take it one day at a time.  This is a huge defeat for me.  I didn't let not being on program for two weeks sabotage me. 

I seriously want this go around of losing weight to be more successful than in the past and I know that my thinking is what needs to change.  I need to learn to be nicer to me and not be so hard on myself.  Our lives will be faced with many challenges including times when we don't make the best food choices.  It's a matter of letting that day go and just making the next day a better one. 

I don't really know how much my two week hiatus cost me in pounds yet, I will find that out tomorrow, but when I do weigh-in, I need to accept it and move on and continue to be motivated and remember that this is a life change and life throws us curve balls.  I'm in this for the long haul.  My weight didn't come on overnight, so it's not going to come off overnight. 

Almost to 20!

Friday was a good weigh-in at 2.4 lbs lost for a total of 19.4. I'm thrilled. I can totally feel it in my clothes too, which makes it even more motivating to keep going. Wearing lose clothes is one of the best feelings.

I will admit that I fell off the wage a little bit on Saturday. My son had a basketball tournament and it was difficult to plan. I did plan a ahead some and I had breakfast before leaving home where the rest of my family had breakfast sandwiches from Wawa. I knew that they were more points than I wanted to use. We ate early, so needless to say I was hungry by the time his first game was over, so we went to a fundraiser pancake breakfast at Applebees. I only stuck to two small pancases and 2 sausage links. I definitely could have eaten more, but I had only the one serving. For dinner, which is what killed it, I splurged and had chinese food. I know how fattening it is, especially Genearl Tso's chicken which is my favorite. I will say that I didn't eat the whole thing, but I'm so thankful for those weekly flex points! That is what is so great about WW, because you can splurge and not completely ruin your week!

Even though I splurged, I still have changed the way I'm eating. I would have had the breakfast sandwich and I would have had another helping of pancakes! Before, I would have eaten all the Chinese food that was given to me and then had a fattening snack later. So, even though it wasn't my best day, it was still better than I would have done if I weren't on progra. So, go me!

I Saw Your Face for the First Time Three Years Ago Today!

I can’t believe it’s been three years today that we saw our baby girl’s face for the first time. I will never forget this day! For over three years prior to this day, I wondered what Rachel looked like and couldn’t wait to know what she would feel like in my arms. Right now three years ago, we are overjoyed with excitement as we shared the good news of our daughter’s referral. We probably made 100+ phone calls and shared our photo with everyone who has been waiting with us. I remember getting Jake from school the morning of receiving the phone call from our agency and as soon as Jake saw me at his school, he knew this was the day he would finally see his sister’s face. We got to the agency and they were waiting for us. We walked up to the front door and were greeted with a “Congratulations Crist Family” sign and when we entered, confetti was thrown on our heads. We were dying to see the photos! When we saw our daughter’s face, she was more perfect and more amazing than we ever imagined. I couldn’t get over the size of her and how beautiful her bald head was. I loved the little smirk on her face and that she already looked like she was withholding a funny little secret. Her eyes looked happy and that helped me pass the next six weeks as we waited for travel approval. This day is probably one of the most significant days for me, because this is the first day that we laid our eyes on Rachel. I mean her birthday is special of course, but I didn’t get to share that day with her. Maybe it’s kind of like seeing your child for the first time in an ultrasound…I don’t know. But when I think back, it brings tears to my eyes that our wait was almost over!

Rachel is so perfect for our family and I will always remember, as if I gave birth to her, what I felt when I first saw her beautiful face. She is amazing in everyway and I thank God for the privilege to be her mother. I’m blessed beyond words with the most two amazing kids! I pray that God will give me all that I need to be the parent He would have me be. I love you Jake and Rachel. I hope you will always know that.

17 Pounds Gone for Good!

I am down a total of 17 lbs as of today! I was bummed about the .4 lbs loss this week, but it’s better than being up .4 lbs, right?! But then I realized later this morning that hormones definitely had a huge role in my minimal weight loss this week. The fact that I lost even .4 is a feat in itself. I’ve been known to gain up to 7 lbs during my monthly cycle.

I’m still feeling extremely motivated by my “new lifestyle” and each day I pray to God asking Him to help me be “mindful” of all that goes into my mouth. Even if I splurge with a treat, that I stick with a portion and not more. I’m thankful that God is hearing my prayers, because I haven’t felt this motivated by something in a long time. I am able to resist temptations from birthday cakes at the office to eating Krispy Kreme donuts from a fundraiser at Rachel’s school. I did give in to eating one donut, but in the past I could have easily eaten 4 in one sitting! It’s embarrassing to admit that, but that is where I was and that was reality “then.” I allowed myself one donut, but I was thrilled to learn that the donut was only 5 points and not 7 like I originally thought! I love the new WW program where fruits and vegetables have a value of zero points. When I feel hungry, I know I can grab that piece of fruit!

I don’t know what is different this time around. I don’t know why I am sticking to program more easily this time and why it wasn’t working before. Maybe it’s because I am asking God for guidance each day. I pray that He continues to be in my heart and mind each day and that He uses me to be an example for my brother. Maybe this is how I can help my brother. The only thing I need to rev up is my workouts. I’m not faithful yet doing exercise 3 or more times a week. That is my next plan of action. I need to find something that I love and don’t resent every time I’m doing it. I’m thinking maybe I need to learn a sport, like Tennis or something. Any suggestions? I would love to hear them.

Beautiful by MercyMe (Lyrics)

This song touched me so much that I thought it was perfect to post on my blog. It was shared on my brother, Paul's Facebook page. I need to remember this every time I fall short. I hope it inspires you!

It’s Not a Diet, But Rather a Lifestyle Change

I had made my mind up in November of 2010 that I wanted to have bariatric surgery. But before I follow through with a commitment like that, I wanted to make sure I was in the right frame of mind on many levels. I had started to lose some weight in December, where I actually did lose 7 lbs., which was over the holiday. For me, that is a defeat in itself! I mean, not only was I dealing with the holidays, but a ton of birthdays too including Jake and me. Somehow, I did manage to lose 7 lbs which the surgeon was impressed with. Heck, I was impressed! Well, that all went out the window within a few weeks. I don’t know why, but I noticed that I was eating more, especially at night. I quickly started putting those 7 lbs. back on. I was so excited about my decision to have the surgery that I had all my pre-op done within 1 month of my decision. If I were allowed, I would have had the surgery the day I made my decision. But something held me back. I knew I was not ready for this surgery, mostly because I was not mentally prepared. If I can’t follow a food plan now, why would it be any different when I have the surgery?

Most of you are aware of my brother, Paul’s condition. He is morbidly obese due to his addiction to food. He is 28 years old and currently weighs over 800 lbs. I am scared to death for him. His weight will not let him live another 28 years if something isn’t done soon. My brother is a great guy and has a lot going for him. I think seeing his condition has given me that much more motivation to lose weight. How can I lecture him about his weight when I am obese myself? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical of me? I realize that I’m not nearly has heavy as him, but I’m still overweight and considered morbidly obese as well. If I don’t do something about my weight now and get my eating under control, I could potentially struggle with the same health risks that are plaguing my brother. Simple things that we take for granted, like going to the bathroom, is a chore for my brother. He needs assistance in cleaning himself. This saddens me deeply. I just wish I knew how to help him.

I realize that before I can even consider the surgery further, I need to get to the root of why I eat. I mean, who doesn’t love to eat, right? But I do know that I tend to eat more when my emotions are out of control. I know that January and February were not great months for me, which was due in part, to a medication I was taking to help me feel more awake during the day. But regardless, I know my eating habits tend to depend on how my emotions are going. I don’t know what happened three weeks ago, but it finally hit me that I need to get control of my life again. I need to get control of my eating habits. I was starting to feel the weight in my knees, which hurt when I would go up and down steps. I also figured it could have a lot to do with why I’m constantly tired and why my fibromyalgia is flaring up. I am going to be 40 years old this year (I know, that’s crazy, right?!) and losing weight is going to be much harder if I don’t start now.

I am currently seeking mental health on a weekly basis. I still can’t tell you why I overeat or why I use food to comfort my emotions, but just talking to someone about life has helped me tremendously. I have started Weight Watchers about 3 weeks ago, and so far, from my heaviest weight, I am down 16.6 lbs. I love the new program with fruits and vegetables being zero points. But just like anything, you can’t over eat fruits and veggies either! Now, I know this kind of weight loss will be slowing down, because it’s not healthy to keep losing 3-5 lbs a week, but it feels great to have a great start! I started exercising 2x a week including weights, but plan to get to at least 3 times a week! This is huge for me! I don’t like to exercise…I really don’t. I wish I could love it. Maybe I will grow to love it, but I hate it right now. I would love to find an activity that I love which would give me the exercise I need. I’m searching. I thought I might like tennis, but I can’t afford lessons. Does anyone know how to play and would be willing to teach me? I’m a quicker learner!

What I need from you, my family, friends, acquaintances, I need prayer and support. I need words of encouragement and cheers when I lose. I need people to call and ask to me exercise with them or even just go for a walk. I need you to pray for my brother that he will have the strength and courage to change his life. I want him to rely on God and relinquish his addiction. I want God to use me to help him. I don’t know how right now other than to be an example, but if there is something else, I hope God will open the door and walk me through. I love my brother and I want him to be around for a long time!

As for the surgery, I have not made a firm decision yet. Maybe I can continue to do this journey without the help of surgery. My friends, who I love dearly, are rooting for me and are encouraging me to do it on my own without the surgery. I’m praying that God will continue to give me the strength to keep moving forward and that He will help me think twice before putting anything into my mouth.

Thank you for the support and encouragement I have been receiving, which is invaluable to me. Talking about my weight and weaknesses is no easy task!

More Awesome News!

I’m so excited for Jake! He has made the baseball team with his middle school. Our school district only has one team which is composed of both 7th and 8th graders. Not sure why this is the case since most districts do have a separate team for both…I think anyway. Apparently they said there just isn’t enough interest, but I find that hard to believe since over forty 7th graders tried out for the team this year! The first cut was made after the first week of practice and only ten boys were chosen and of course, Jake was one of them. The ten had to endure yet another week of practice before the final seven 7th graders were chosen. Jake found out yesterday morning that he was one of the seven! We are totally psyched for him. He really doesn’t think he deserved to make the team. I wish I knew why he sells himself short all the time. He has so much natural ability and a huge amount of potential. Obviously the coach saw those attributes too! You go Jake! We know you will do awesome and we know that you will make us and your team proud.

Another milestone for Jake this past weekend is that he got contacts! Honestly, I don’t know how this kid played sports and did well in school because his eyes have deteriorated horribly over the last year and a half since his last eye exam. He went from a -1.75 to -2.25 and -2.50! The eye doctor couldn’t believe he was dealing with this for so long. I don’t think Jake realized how blind he was! When we left the eye doctor on Saturday, he couldn’t believe the crispness and sharpness of everything around him. He called me upon his return home from school yesterday and said “I didn’t realize how big the clock was at school and I can see the numbers on it!” I wish I had known he was struggling! He NEVER wore his glasses in school because it’s just “not cool!” Maybe if he had worn them, his eyes wouldn’t have deteriorated the way they had. Anyway, I think the contacts are going to give him more confidence in all he does. The doctor said we will probably see a huge difference in all he does including school and sports.

Yesterday was a big day for Dave and me! We are the proud owners of a 2008 Nissan Altima. We are not the type to turnover cars every few years. In fact, both of our cars were 14 years old! We traded our 1998 Chevrolet Malibu in for a 2008 Nissan Quest minivan which we absolutely love! The spacious room is exactly what we need, especially for traveling and whatnot. Dave and I constantly battled over whose turn it was to drive it! I knew that my 1998 Chevrolet Cavalier’s time was up, because poor Jake had no room in the back seat. At 13 years old, he’s already just about at 5’10” tall and probably still growing. His knees were pretty much in his chest whenever he road in the backseat of the Cavalier. It is so nice not having car payments, but it’s so nice driving a newer model car. Heck, I’m excited that I have a CD player! I’ve had a cassette player all this time. I don’t even think you can buy cassette tapes anymore! LOL. Anyway, we are excited and blessed that we are able to afford a “new” car and hope that we get 14 years out this one! The Altima is very nice! It’s white with a moon roof. It’s definitely not top of the line, but it has some fun features like a “push” start button. You don’t need a key to start the engine or unlock the doors! As long as the remote is in your pocket or purse, you can open the car or start the engine. It rides so smoothly compared to the Cavalier. We feel so blessed that God has blessed our finances that have allowed us to make this investment! If things go right, I’m praying that we can outright purchase our next car and not finance!